I've officially made it through four weeks of living since my soulmate Trent died by suicide, on June 11, 2016.
First of all, WHEW! Big sigh of relief. How am I still standing? How is this possible? That I can write this blog without getting choked up and having tears blind my vision and drench my keyboard. SIMPLE: I am much stronger than I give myself credit for. Does this mean I'm over the cycle of pain? No, not by any means. It's an ongoing process and will take a while to heal. But everyday brings a new hope, a new emotion, and mixed feelings.
I always told him affectionately, "Trent, when you pass and we've spent our 40 plus years together here on earth, I want to pass within 24 hours, because life won't be a life without YOU."
What I meant, was that I wanted to die of natural causes....a broken heart...so we could hold hands in the afterlife together, beaming and smiling, a cloud of golden light surrounding us, living in peace.
Fate had other plans, so here I am. Alone again, naturally.
Self care is vital during the grieving process after a partner has died by suicide. You MUST take care of your inner child and outer adult. Here is a list of things I've been practicing and finding useful in my grief journey:
1. Meditate or pray. Spend time alone. Your soul's calling must be heard. Listen to what it's saying. Self awareness is key.
2. Journal or write about your feelings, emotions, fears, anger, sadness, frustration. Get it all out. The only path to healing is to let your emotions be a floodgate, let them overflow onto the paper.
3. Phone a friend. Or two. Or five. I've spent the last few weeks on the phone with a few close female friends whom I trust. Healing takes place when we TALK about our pain. You need to validate what you're feeling. Don't bottle it up inside.
4. Find a grief or bereavement counselor. Community non-profit places have free counseling. I've booked some sessions with one who lost a son to suicide. Common bonds can be formed with a compassionate person who knows what you're going through.
5. Rest, eat, relax. The first week will be tough. You won't want to get out of bed. Take some time to process the loss and trauma. At this time, you may not have an appetite, but do your best to eat small snacks and hydrate yourself.
6. De-stress and take a long soak in a hot bubble bath. Light some candles, put on soft music. Your mind and body are going through a DEATH. This is a heavy process. Show yourself some compassion.
7. Get out of the house! Do not sit and vegetate. The first couple weeks should be rest and grieving. But soon, you need to get out of your TOMB and see that there is still life out there. Call a friend and have a latte on a patio. Feel the sun on your skin. Breathe the summer air. Remember, you are still alive.
8. Laugh, play, have fun! Go to a hilarious movie or a comedy club. Get a dose of laughter rippling through you. You need to stop moping, or you'll get in a rut. Laughter is healing. Don't spend all day, everyday, in sadness and isolation.
9. Take stock of what's still beautiful in your life. Friends, family, or mentors who uplift you can show you what still matters. I phoned my biggest mentor, and he talked a whole hour on the phone, reminding me of all the great qualities I have, and I got off the phone with a giddiness and hope. Remember, you have much more to offer in this life. You have a bright future ahead. People love you, and there's more beauty yet to come.
10. Spoil yourself. Go on a shopping spree and get a nice outfit, go to the salon and update your look, or get some new pampering products from Bath & Body Works. You deserve to be given the gift of your time, your healing, and your renewal. Take time to fall in love with your life again. Loss of a loved one is devastating, and it can drain you, but be good to yourself. You can do this.
Cheering for you,
~RR~
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