My sadness over losing my Twin Flame 6 weeks ago on June 11th has been the Defining Moment of my life.
Drowning in unbearable pain and a river of tears, I continue to feel the magnitude of Trent's death, and each day brings a swelling tide of more emotions and pain.
People have been cruel, harsh and senseless.
No one wants to hear me out. But I'm going to say it anyways.
MYTH #1: Time heals all wounds.
First off, no one has the right to tell you how long your grieving will last. Some people grieve the hardest part of the grief journey in one year, 18 months or five years. While we never really GET OVER the person we lost, it is safe to say that most people find a way to sweep their emotions under the rug or pack it up and start over fresh with someone new. That is NOT me. Grief is personal, like a fingerprint, and it effects everyone differently. For example, a suicide loss will feel much different than a loss involving someone who passed from cancer. One death was a sudden shock, while the other happened over a period of time in which the one grieving was given a chance to say their goodbyes and process what was happening. Suicide survivors experience guilt, sadness, shock and utter despair, and they need to absorb their loved one's passing in their own way. So respect this.
MYTH #2: No one should see you cry. Keep it inside, appear strong to the world.
The way I manage my emotions behind closed doors is my business. Lately I've been reaching out to anyone and everyone who will listen, and if you're embarrassed by my grief, then too bad. If someone grieving heavily is asking for support, you should be a good friend and offer your compassion. While it's fine to stay pulled together at work, or put on a brave face to the world, by no means should you suffocate your feelings and pretend they don't exist. This will backfire, and you won't properly heal. Let the tears out, open the floodgates, and grieve this fully. Trust me, it will do you a world of good.
MYTH #3: Things happen for a reason. Don't worry. You'll see the reason soon.
Wow. This one is utter crap. Perhaps life is messy and unscripted. Maybe it doesn't have a blueprint. Maybe life happens on life's own terms. Take all the time you need to grieve, and frankly, you don't need to find a reason for your loved one's death. The only thing that matters is that you loved them dearly and they meant the world to you.
MYTH #4: The person was in pain. It was their time to go. Their "number" was up.
How senseless and cold! Whether they were eight years old or 80, this does not give someone the right to tell the grieving person that their loved one's time on earth was done. The family members or those left behind are NEVER ready to see a life cut short. It amazes me how many people are really just ignorant or afraid of mortality. We will all one day experience our big loss. Let's show some understanding and learn to accept death. Talking about it brings awareness. It is beneficial to everyone.
MYTH #5: Just think of the good times, hold them close to your heart, and all will be better.
Now this one is one of the hardest hitting. While it's great to think happy thoughts and replay home movies, make a shrine of your loved one, look at souvenirs and reminisce, nothing can ease your grief, so forget the fantasy of a magic wand or quick remedy. Grieving the loss is a necessary and crucial thing to do. Feeling the emotions of sadness, anger, shock and confusion is all part of the process, so dwelling on JUST HAPPY THOUGHTS is a surefire way to be disillusioned and disappointed in the grief journey. It's going to take time to move through this wave of heartache. Just take it one breath at a time, moment by moment, and you will learn to deal with it on your own terms, someday.
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